Film And Tv | Gamerillaz - Part 8

Archive for the ‘FILM and TV’ Category
  • The Hole

    0 CommentsPosted by on October 19, 2010 under FILM and TV
      Ah look, a documentary about Dave Kong’s favourite erogenous zone! Actually no, thankfully we’ll never have to see that, this is a alleged “kids” movie by slightly twisted “Gremlins” director Joe Dante. I say alleged because if you showed this to an average child it will probably scar them irreversibly and reduce them to a twitching whimpering mess. I dont know which genius... more.
  • Nightmare on Elm Street 2010

    0 CommentsPosted by on September 23, 2010 under FILM and TV
    I have no objection to remakes. It doesnt seem that long since the last 1st gen episode Freddy vs Jason, but if someone wants to randomly restart the franchise with new ideas and new tech, why not? I don’t care. Its acceptable for Superheroes to get an occasional “refresh”, why not stripy jumper wearing child molesters? I’ll tell you why not…BECAUSE THIS IS W**K. I was never a massiv... more.
  • Repo Men

    0 CommentsPosted by on September 22, 2010 under FILM and TV
    Organs….arent they weird? A motley crew of ugly blobs, shiny tubes and purple squishy bits which somehow come together to form a balanced organic mechanism which allows us to process food, create other humans and write rubbish on the internet. Youve got your alpha-organs like your brain, heart, lungs and knob, then a secondary lot like er, kidneys and spleen and bladders, and then useless lu... more.
  • The Expendables

    0 CommentsPosted by on September 19, 2010 under FILM and TV
    Age….it gets to us all. Look at Dave Kong…once possessed of Samson-like flowing locks of curled knicker-dampening masculinity…now his head a fallow field of wispiness and lost dreams, punctuated by the occasional boil. Watching The Expendables is an uneasy experience for those of us of the VHS generation…once strapping young bucks eagerly scanning the shelves of the local “video stor... more.
  • Burning Bright

    0 CommentsPosted by on September 19, 2010 under FILM and TV
    So you’ve gone down to the kitchen at 3am to get a sandwich. You shouldnt be eating f**king carbs at this hour anyway but there are more pressing matters.You turn on the light and what’s in front of you, turning your bowels to freezing water? No, not a midget burglar masturbating into your italian cheese pasta, but a feckin great…tiger. Is that scary? I’m not sure and thats probab... more.
  • Piranha 3d

    0 CommentsPosted by on September 10, 2010 under FILM and TV
    I always thought that if 3d had any future whatsoever it would be in the veiny, stretchy, fourth-wall-defying world of porn. Piranha does its best to gnaw the peripherals off this notion with such clumsy 3d that the veritable boobalanche that rolls over the viewer will just leave you with squinty-eyed nipple-fatigue. Is it just me? I can barely remember Kelly Brook’s prolonged nudey submarin... more.
  • Frozen

    0 CommentsPosted by on September 10, 2010 under FILM and TV
    Have you ever been snowboarding? You have? You liked it? You enjoyed snow jetting up your bleeding nostrils, shattering your arse again and again, wiping out an elderly woman skier at 50mph and constantly having middle class french people look at you like you’d fallen out of a dogs bottom? Or was that just me. Seems like a lot of hassle just for a few facebook pics. Frozen details the trials... more.
  • 2001 Maniacs / Header / After.Life

    0 CommentsPosted by on July 22, 2010 under FILM and TV
    Just a quickie today luv, now get your knickers off. 2001 MANIACS – FIELD OF SCREAMS Awful, awful, shot-on-video sequel to a not very good remake of a terrible 60′s thing. Acting that isnt even inert enough to be called wooden, its actively irritating. A gang of useless cannon fodder shooting a ropey reality show run into the southern cannibal/maniac/ghost people. I think its supposed to b... more.
  • Until The Light Takes Us

    0 CommentsPosted by on July 18, 2010 under FILM and TV
    Do you remember Anvil! The Story of Anvil? Well this is nothing like that. It’s a way overlong documentary about Norwegian Black Metal…just what we’ve all been crying out for. Now, metal in general’s pretty far down the foodchain when it comes to social credibility – dont get me wrong, quite partial to a shouty blast of Dillenger Escape Plan myself from time to time – but even ... more.
  • A Sebian Film

    0 CommentsPosted by on July 15, 2010 under FILM and TV
    Well…the world cup’s over. As the screams and self-flagellation of the english/french/italians fade away, its time to reflect. And… it wasnt very good. But a bad World Cup is like a bad blow job…it’s still pretty goddamn good. So ditch your vuvezela, take your penis out of your cat’s mouth and read the words. Which I am typing…here. Oh dear! Well THAT was remarkably unpleasant... more.
  • Birdemic / Someone’s Knocking at the Door / Girl who Played with Fire / The Wolfman

    0 CommentsPosted by on June 5, 2010 under FILM and TV
    Right, well…I’m ill. Very ill indeed. It feels like beelzebub himself has ejaculated broken glass down my throat and my entire body feels like its got toothache so lets pass that general feeling of unhealthiness onto you gentle reader. No clever wordy foreplay, lets get your mental underpants off and onto the rough and unlubricated penetrating reviews. BIRDEMIC – SHOCK AND TERROR F**k ... more.
  • Valhalla Rising

    0 CommentsPosted by on May 16, 2010 under FILM and TV
    Look at that cover! F**king look at it! Quite possibly the most blatant bit of false advertising imaginable. Heres the synopsis, its sounds cool and I’m going to tell you why the actual film is not cool in the slightest, but actually w**k. Hard as nails, mute and optically challenged slave fighter from muddy viking-era scotland kills a few people in a grisly fashion to gain his freedom and then ... more.
  • Kick-Ass / Solomon Kane / Spartacus : Blood and Sand / Ip Man2 / The Book of Eli

    0 CommentsPosted by on May 12, 2010 under FILM and TV
    Right I’ve a few to get  through here, and surprisingly these are a fine bunch of movies, I’m going to be nice and complimentary to them and their creators, so shut your f**king facehole and let me get on with it. KICK ASS Entertaining and surprisingly violent black comedy about mentally unstable vigilantes and mobsters  kicking off. Kickass himself is a curly haired demi-nerd with an dr... more.
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