Did you ever wonder how One Eye, Three Finger and Saw Tooth – the cleverly-named antagonists of increasingly cheap “Hills Have Eyes” knock-off franchise Wrong¬†Turn- came to be? No? Well, me neither! But here you are anyway, the origins of a dull and nasty mutant clan of barbed wire wielding anthropophages. ¬†It kicks off with our three facially challenged chums leading a revolt in a mental home and wreaking unsavoury revenge on their guardians. We then fast forward to 2003 and to a thick clot of students furiously banging away – all of them looking in their mid to late twenties, naturally – who get tired of having gratuitious sex – even the two contrived frisky lesbians – and snowmobile off into the wilderness. where they end up finding the abandoned, cannibalistic maniac-infested sanatorium.
Before you can say “Well I hope these stupid people start getting killed horribly” well, it happens, and it really is quite unpleasant, clumsy fare. One poor fecker is partially skinned and eaten while still alive in one particularly protracted, leering sequence. Now I like my extreme violence as much as the next slightly immature, bearded male but this is just clumsy and juvenile rubbish. There’s also a eye-rolling bad shock ending which I’ve seen at least twice before. The victims are an attractive if educationally subnormal lot – they are exceptionally¬†dense and probably would have somehow come to a sticky end even without the whole “trapped in a building by maniacs” thing – and suffer their ends with an impressive amount of volume but seriously….get a hold of the first two Cold Prey movies if you want to see a similar snowbound scenario, just done infinitely better.