Theatre Bizarre | Gamerillaz

Theatre Bizarre

Theatre Bizarre


If you’re a fan of horror anthologies like Creepshow, Tales from the Crypt or Last year’s Trick r Treat, here’s another collection of mini-horrors for those of us with a short attention span and a weak bladder. As usual with these kind of mongrels, it won’t linger in the memory very long. There’s 6 stories in total gummed together by a surreal wraparound concerning a disturbed girl’s visit to a theatre. Let’s have a look shall we…

1. Mother of Toads. First story is a return to the screen for Richard Stanley, director of Hardware and a man whose steered clear of genre since the traumatic The Island of Doctor Moreau. It’s not an auspicious start…a bearded man and his missus get lost in Italy and get involved with a witch with nice breasts. Amphibiphobes should stay clear..and anyone who likes good acting, production values etc. Looks like it was shot over a weekend with a stolen camera.
Sample dialogue “Aaaaaargh”


2. I Love You. Pretentious euro-wank about 2 people breaking up. A grimly realistic suicide scene and quite literally nothing else.
Sample dialogue “Your penis and my vagina were never friends” (!)


3. Wet Dreams. Quite enjoyable and hilariously gross piece from Tom Savini. Dont know what it’s about exactly – some kind of intricate labyrinth of nasty gentilally fixated visions – but it brings the gory goods and has the blunt narrative of a 21st century EC comics tale.
Sample dialogue “Tell me about the woman…the woman with the lovecraftian vagina”



4. The Accident. Beautifully crafted vignette about a little girl viewing the aftermath of a road accident. Thoughtful and somber piece that could work in any dramatic anthology. Not sure what this is doing in Theatre Bizarre..stands out like a confused swan in a vat of chicken abortions.
Sample Dialogue “Yes but he’d be a good zombie”


5. Vision Stains. Serial killer woman hunts the homeless, extracting their eyeball juice to feed a very strange compulsion. If you have a problem with eyeball-related unpleasantness – and to be fair, who the f**k doesnt – then you’ll struggle with Vision Stains and its multiple close ups of injection/eye activity. That doesnt mean its good though. Feels so much like a student film you can almost smell the body odour and reheated pizza.
Sample dialogue *rambling bollix*



6. Sweets. Horrendously misguided piece about a couple of food fetishists arguing and eating lots of disgusting desserts. F**king appallingly bad…tries to aim for the Deliciously Decadent and Depraved but just winds up stupid and greasily retarded. As Mark Kermode might say, everyone involved deserves a kick in the genitals.
Sample dialogue “It’s not you it’s me…”

So that’s  Theatre you can see its a mixed, slightly damp bag, leaning towards bad. Starts and ends badly, but has some decent stuff hidden in the middle, the reverse of a s**t sandwich really. I’ve a soft spot for horror collections like this but the advance word on V/H/S suggests you’d be better off waiting for that if you feel the urge for some bite-sized deviance.

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