Human Centipede 2 uncut review | Gamerillaz

Human Centipede 2 (uncut version)

Human Centipede 2 (uncut version)
 

Well you’ll no doubt be vaguely aware of this, the bbfc’s latest problem child, which was initially banned outright in the uk before reluctantly being granted an 18 certificate after more than 2 and a half minutes worth of cuts. That’s a hell of a lot of “totally unacceptable” material! Well after watching it I have to say…pass the sick bag vicar! It’s unwholesome stuff, even by the debauched fecal-hurling standards at Gamerillaz HQ. The version I’m reviewing is the uncut one, which is naturally available at the usual online dodgy sources.

The story…ok this won’t take long. Martin, a stunted grub working as a security guard is a big fan of the original Human Centipede movie and decides to create his own DIY version using people he kidnaps from an underground car park, and also manages to lure one of the actresses from the original movies. Things get…messy. That’s it! What’s in this that wasn’t in the cinema version? The entire last third of the movie is a tooth-shattering, tendon-snipping orgy of bodily secretions and gleeful sadism so it seems the BBFC had an attack of the RFUs and eliminated Martin’s johnson, specifically in the scenes where he, hmm, relieves himself with the aid of a sheet of sandpaper and another where he wraps a length of barbed wire around his member and…eugh look just read the BBFC report if you want the full rough-sex–redefining scoop! Down with this sort of thing etc.

The first hour or so it’s a fairly unpleasant exploitation thriller about a disturbed loner, notable only for its rather stark black and white cinematography and ropy acting. Laurence R Harvey who plays Martin is a quite extraordinary screen presence…a tiny, bloated, hairy homunculus of a man whose mute bulging eyes and stained y-fronts are far more nightmare-inducing than any amount of graphic gore served up in the last 30 minutes or so. And how graphic are we talking here? Well now, it’s extreme stuff, and frankly I’m not surprised the BBFC had issues. Their guidelines can be hilarious (read about the Mull of Kintyre test here ) and their role seems to be getting more and more irrelevant as technology continues to circumnavigate them but they have painted themselves into a corner when it comes to extreme cinema. They either refuse it a certificate – which will at least affect the movies mainstream prospects, but paradoxically give it a massive promotional push – or actually decide to get the scissors out and re-edit the movie themselves, which is both ludicrous and artistically presumptuous. They seem to share Human Centipede 2’s initial premise..that the absorption of objectionable material can actually directly influence an individual’s behaviour (that said, the movie’s final coda seems to suggest that most/all of the movie is in fact a daydream!) You can argue either way on this cause/effect thing but the BBFC’s treatment of Centipede (and last year’s A Serbian Film) is both predictable and consistent.

The movie itself is of course utter rubbish, much worse than the original which left a lot to the imagination and actually worked as a weird little thriller with a dark sense of humour. This is just a greasy shambles, the extreme content so over top yet so leering and protracted that it’s not even laughable, just numbing and likely to have you either reaching for the sick bucket or checking your watch. Tom Six –is- that kid in school who ate worms, and we’re those kids that initially encouraged it and then realised he was a bit creepy and smelt like poo. I’m categorically opposed to the kind of tedious gombeens  who claim that creating or watching extreme content like this is a sign of mental illness but there’s nothing to be gained from sitting through such childish sadism. Now where’s that sandpaper…

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