hostel 3 review | Gamerillaz

Hostel 3

Hostel 3
 

Personally I don’t have much time for hairy chancer Eli Roth and his media-humping ascent to stardom. The man who, after the clammy body horror of Cabin Fever, propelled such reductive terms as “torture-porn” and “gornography” into the easily-worried mainstream with 2006′s Hostel. Powered by Quentin Tarantino’s kingmaking patronage, he straddled horror cinema like a massive leering molester, invading the dreams of the likes of Christopher Tookey and impressionable stupid people everywhere. Somehow, society didnt collapse into a maelstrom of chainsaw wielding teenagers and when Hostel 2 showed up like a pantsless clown at a children’s party, people actually began to realise that, for all their ott gore and vague hints of xenophobia, the Hostel movies weren’t actually the harbringers of a new age of ferocious public-hating cinematic anarchy…they were, essentially, old school exploitation revenge flicks that, carnival-style, actually promised a lot more than they delivered. Hostel 2, dare I say it, was actually a mildly entertaining thriller with a blackly comic edge.

There has been the occasional piece since which has taken the perceived concept/value to cringing extremes (such as Koji Shirashi’s deeply unpleasant Grotesque, or the awful Train) but the cinematic horror paydirt now is, for better or worse, remakes  reboots and crowd-pleasing popcorn cg-enhanced frivolities like Final Destination while genuinely extreme movies like A Serbian Film and Human Centipede 2 beat a lonely, economically challenged path from censors reject pile to torrent sites.

So it’s no surprise that lurking among the latest lurid straight to dvd fodder is this attempt to revive the undeservedly notorious franchise. Written and directed by Scott Spiegel, the man who co-wrote Evil Dead 2 and a man who’s already had a stab at a mysteriously unnecessary sequel in From Dusk Till Dawn 2. After a interesting intro sequence that riffs cleverly on the first 2 movies, we’re introduced to our disposable heroes, who as usual range from the dull to the actively irritating. The action is set around a stag party set in Vegas, so if (like me) you thought The Hangover would have been improved by the protagonists having their faces slowly sliced off you might find some theoretical pleasure here. But it just doesnt really deliver the goods…when you consider the movie clocks in at a mere 87 minutes and nothing actually happens until the three-quarter hour mark. It’s not reprehensible enough and has a rather cheesy 80′s feel not helped by sparse gore and a plot that seems lifted directly from Taiwan’s “Invitation Only” (itself a derivative of the original Hostel with some unpleasant nob violence thrown in)

As in Invitation Only, the action occurs this time on stage in front of an audience of debauched rich people, betting on the victim’s pleas and survival tolerance on some app called Wheel of Misfortune(!) There’s some scalpel/crossbow/cockroachy action (although the last is rendered in hilarious cg and far less disturbing than the Fatima Whitbread incident in I’m a Celebrity) The three acts play out as before with the final 20 minutes consisting of The Bad People getting their comeuppance. Along the way there’s lots of shouting and some unintentional laughs but it’s not awful…the Crossbow Incident is quite grim and affecting, almost seems like it’s strayed in from another, more interesting movie. The payoff has a high enough body count but it’s essentially all a bit witless, cheap and tired.

And it’s not even set in a f__king hostel!

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