Stake Land | Gamerillaz

Stake Land

Stake Land

Where in the name of Bram Stoker’s rotted balls did this come from? Not a documentary about a meat-based theme park but a highly entertaining apocalyptic survivors-vs-bloodsuckers horror-action hybrid. A man and a boy wander through the wasteland on a seemingly endless mission to find the rumoured sanctuary of New Eden. Along the way they pick up various stragglers and off  quite a few slavering feral vampires. The Man is only known as “Mister” and, like most men-without-a-name, he’s simultaneously Hard as Nails and Cool as F**K. The kid’s a fairly anodyne mop-headed protag who’s given a rough intro in this new age of strife when his entire family get massacred in front of him (And the movie shows its cold blooded nature with a infant getting chewed up like a baby favoured burrito in the first five minutes)

The two of them travel from enclave to enclave, the last survivors in this fallout 3 style landscape barricaded into small, old wild west style outposts. Apart from the “vamps” (which arent sexy immortals designed to get chubby emos sighing..more like rabid demonic wolverines) religious militia cults also control large swathes of the wilderness…In one awesome scene they attack a settlement by flying over it in a chopper and start dropping vampires into it like blood-crazed smart bombs. The Man and Boy kill lots of vamps and zealots and happen to run into an unrecognisable Kelly McGillis along the way. Oh dear Kelly, Top Gun seems so long ago…while Tom Cruise is easing his way into middle age glowing with health and energy (and certainly NOT powered by plastic surgery and gay sex) Kelly, well the years are weighing heavily on her aging lesbecian head.

Is the filum any good though. It is, although it does leech pretty much every component of its being…a bit of I Am Legend here, bit of The Road there…it hangs together with its own hybrid vampiric vigour. Bleak, violent and strangely enjoyable. Recommended.

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