Rare Exports | Gamerillaz

Rare Exports

Rare Exports
 

SANTA YOU C**T When was the last time you saw a kids movie with plentiful use of the word “f**k”, four hundred dead mangled reindeer and lingering shots of old men with their withered johnsons out? I’ll tell you when…never! Well I suppose this isnt really a kids movie…unless the kid is one of those weird pale ones that smell weird and play with run-over dogs…but the protagonist is a wee un and most of the movie is seen through his unusual, down syndrome-bjork eyes. The premise is…Father Christmas is entombed within a Finnish mountain and a vague crew of menials are digging him out. This isnt friendly Santa, clad in coca-cola red with a bleached-sheep beard and twinkling non-paedo eyes, but something far older and a lot less benevolent. In the valley below Santa’s crypt weird things are occurring, aforementioned reindeer are being mutilated and children are disappearing. One morning one of the locals finds something strange, nude and bearded in his wolf trap…It quickly becomes clear that something bad is coming…So it it any good then, is it a post christmas cracker or a bag of shiny reindeer cack?

Heres the thing….unlike Alive in Joburgs transition from youtube to mahoosive cinematic paydirt in the excellent District 9, Rare Exports has made the move a bit less successfully. It’s a youtube video with a load of flabby backstory tacked on the front end. It’s not bad at all, but the truly sinister image of a fat bearded man standing at the foot of a terrified child’s bed still remains to be fully realised . Just watch the original. It’s only 7 minutes long.  Ho ho f**kin ho!

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