Repo Men | Gamerillaz

Repo Men

Repo Men

Organs….arent they weird? A motley crew of ugly blobs, shiny tubes and purple squishy bits which somehow come together to form a balanced organic mechanism which allows us to process food, create other humans and write rubbish on the internet. Youve got your alpha-organs like your brain, heart, lungs and knob, then a secondary lot like er, kidneys and spleen and bladders, and then useless lumps of meat like appendix, the Bez of the human body, which should be surgically removed from babies at birth along with tonsils, wisdom teeth, earlobes and foreskins. Optimised babies…the way forward. Like little human jpgs. “What are you banging on about now” you’re probably shouting. “Stop talking about babies and organs” Well I will, but this whole review is going to have more organs stuffed into it than your missus on her last girly holiday in faliraki, so get used to it.

Colon then, who told Jude Law he was leading man material? Listen, he’s a perfectly competent actor, And very suited to support roles like in Gattaca and Sherlock Holmes but with his shop-window-mannequin good looks, strange warlock’s hairline and general oestrogenal aura he’s not “ovary” suited to action man status.In this filum he plays a organ repossesion officer in the near future. Along with boss-eyed shambler Forrest Whittaker he spends his day tracking down miscreants who havent been keeping up on the financal installments on their new stomach, kidneys etc. When they catch the gut burglars they dont serve them with a stern letter with shouty red ink on it, no they whip out their scapels and get repo-ing.

If you’ve seen The Meaning of Life there was a sketch where this exact scenario is played out so there it is…it’s a cross between an obscure sketch on Monthy Pythons least well known movie and a sci-fi chase em up like Minority Report. The first third is enjoyable – The lads go about their jobs, spill a lot of blood and look like they enjoy their work. The middle bit is dull, lots of running about as one of them ends up skint and packing a borrowed organ. The last third goes completely mental, throws in hardcore violence, a love scene that redefines “penetration”, a brilliantly casual throat stabbing and even throws in a Total Recall type narrative spasm. It’s very strange overall and the casual observer will hate it but if you have a bit of undemanding geek dna you’ll probably sort of like it. I did…and if Repo Men was a woman I wouldnt think twice about “donating” her my “organ”. Hmm.

Incidentally its got nothing to do with cult 80s movie Repo Man, which starred Emilio Estevez. Where’s he now?

The SKIN is the biggest organ in the human body, especially if you are a fat f**ker
The LIVER is the second largest, unless you are IRISH
A dried LUNG makes a handy “storage facility” for wasps while you are harvesting their JAM
Licking a live bull’s VAS DEFERENS reputedly endows one with great VIRILITY
If your LOWER INTESTINE was removed from your body, unravelled and stretched out along the entire length of  a tennis court you would die from TRAUMA and MASSIVE BLOOD LOSS
WOMEN blink twice as much as men. This is why they have trouble following complicated MOVIES as they miss many SUBTLE PLOT POINTS and VISUAL CUES
Your EYES never grow. But your NOSE and EARS do until you die.
CONGENITAL MICROPENIS is the medical term given to those cursed with a tiny KNOB

Thats enough for now.

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