Piranha 3d | Gamerillaz

Piranha 3d

Piranha 3d

I always thought that if 3d had any future whatsoever it would be in the veiny, stretchy, fourth-wall-defying world of porn. Piranha does its best to gnaw the peripherals off this notion with such clumsy 3d that the veritable boobalanche that rolls over the viewer will just leave you with squinty-eyed nipple-fatigue. Is it just me? I can barely remember Kelly Brook’s prolonged nudey submarine lesbecian frolicing. But it definitely happened. Yes. So….plot, there’s some kind of random underwater seismic activity and a plural of prehistoric bastardfish are released into an american lake-resort teeming with horny teenaged fish food and some past-it Proper Actors.

Lots of screaming, wince-inducing but hilarious fish-related injuries and gore….the 3d is employed poorly and purely for novelty “check out the floaty severed penis” type shots…still, quite enjoyed it overall. It marks a semi-return to form for director Alexandre Aja after the badly fumbled Mirrors, but it’s not in the same league as his excellent and f**ked up The Hills Have Eyes remake and the even more f**ked up Haute Tension.

If you love carnivorous fish and women whose clothes keep falling off, and who doesnt, then you could do a lot worse, but I’d wait till it’s on dvd …just so you can express your appreciation of Kelly Brook’s tits performance in that special way.

By the way that pic above? Doesn’t happen in the movie. Weird.

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