Frozen | Gamerillaz

Frozen

Frozen
 

Have you ever been snowboarding? You have? You liked it? You enjoyed snow jetting up your bleeding nostrils, shattering your arse again and again, wiping out an elderly woman skier at 50mph and constantly having middle class french people look at you like you’d fallen out of a dogs bottom? Or was that just me. Seems like a lot of hassle just for a few facebook pics. Frozen details the trials and tribulations of three young americans who gets trapped on a ski lift after hours on the side of a mountain. It starts to freeze. Help is not on the way. And they can hear howling…Surprisingly decent, tight little thriller this, from the director of the not-very-good Hatchet. It’s as big a step for him as a film maker as The Descent was for Neil Marshall after the enjoyable but messy and amateurish Dog Soldiers.

Bones pop through clothing, skin freezes to metal, frostbite starts to rot flesh…it’s surprisingly bleak and very cleverly constructed. I give it a shaking, frostbitten thumbs up. Incidentally, you know the best way to cure hypothermia is to climb into a sleeping bag with a naked woman? Thats a scientific fact. There’s no -real- evidence for it…but it is scientific fact. I just feel sorry for the poor naked woman who is having a giant fat nude freezing beardy man being shoved into her sleeping bag.Why is he fat? Why has he got a beard? Has he got hypothermia because he’s nude, or did that happen afterwards? Who knows?

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