A Sebian Film | Gamerillaz

A Sebian Film

A Sebian Film

Well…the world cup’s over. As the screams and self-flagellation of the english/french/italians fade away, its time to reflect. And… it wasnt very good. But a bad World Cup is like a bad blow job…it’s still pretty goddamn good. So ditch your vuvezela, take your penis out of your cat’s mouth and read the words. Which I am typing…here.

Oh dear! Well THAT was remarkably unpleasant. I am currently restraining the urge to scrub my monitor and hard drive with bleach…and maybe my eyes and soul as well. Only kidding…it’s not that bad. But it’s not nice either…basically, you know you are in cinematic freefall when one of the LEAST offensive kills in a movie is someone getting skullf**ked to death via their eye socket (possible opportunity for an ad campaign for specsavers here?) Serbian Film isnt a non-stop bloodbath – there are 4 or 5 scenes that are staggeringly grim – but the overall tone is just bleak, grimy and explicitly sleazy. If youve seen the trailer you know what to expect.

Retired caveman-looking porn star Milosh has two things going for him…(a) a lovely family and (b) a legendary willy. Some sick f**k producer appears out of nowhere and offers him a fortune to de-retire and appear in some conceptual porno epic which needs his supercharged penis. After a few unpleasant early on-set experiences milosh has had enough and walks…needless to say, thats not the end for him, and milosh spends most of the second half of the movie nude and up to his eyeballs in horse viagra killing or f**king pretty much anything the film crew shove in front of him. There are no happy endings here…for anyone. Very harsh…but all executed very well indeed, it’s not some amateurish cheapo gore-flick made by and for 14 year old idiots, but it’s an actual, serious movie…which just happens to have horrendous scenes of machete sex decapitation, baby rape(!!) and a final coda which is so unbelievably mean-spirited that I actually started laughing in shock.
Not a chance in hell this is going to get through the censors either, so if you’re really that curious to see the current holder of extreme cinema’s equivalent of the Jules Rimet trophy then you know where to look, you sicko.

PS Ive just realised this is the second movie I’ve seen in the past month or so involving people being killed by erections (other peoples obviously) I don’t know if this is a reflection of a growing cinematic trend or my own viewing habits. Let’s just pray Toy Story 3 doesnt go down this particular phallocidal route.

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